After accidentally sleeping from 9pm to 2am, I've decided to come to my blog, because, well, for one, it's been a while. But more importantly, I've done a LOT of thinking. Like, an exorbitant amount of thinking. Thinking and reading. Have I ever thought this much during school? I don't think so. And I think it continues to grow exponentially. It's WEIRD. But anyway, let me explain.
I'll start off with a little background on myself: I came into college thinking I'd be your average run-of-the-mill music major (to end up doing what I'm not sure, but not performance), and I went through a semester of the normal stuff. However, I decided that wasn't for me. I entertained the options of English, Health and Society, Psychology, and Engineering (what??!? really?). That last one was just a thought, I never took any Engineering classes, just in case you're wondering. Anyway, towards the end of the 2nd semester of my sophomore year, the thought of creating a major crossed my mind. Arts Administration was what I wanted to do. Promote the arts, be around the arts. And thus, I created my major.
But not within an entirely business framework.
I included classes the gave me a broad idea of
Music in Contemporary American Society, the name I decided for my major. The Blues, History of Jazz, Cultural History of the US, Women and Music, Psychology of Gender, Music Theory IV, Marketing, World Music, Independent Study looking at gender stereotypes in music instrumental ensemble participants, and an Internship in Grants and Development at the Arts and Cultural Council. Those were my "core" courses. My "supplementary courses" included: Intro to Music Education, Jazz Theory and Improvisation, Leadership Issues in Music, and Women in Music (different than the class above).
As one advisor put it, I would be looking at American society through the lens of music.
I was content with it.
Then along came the option of Take 5. The option to apply for a 5th year, tuition-free, to study something unrelated to what you've already studied. It could be something you were interested in but never got a chance to study, or something that you maybe took one course in, but because of other degree requirements, never got to continue with. It's like taking on another interdisciplinary major. The theme of mine - Asian Diasporas: A Contemporary Study of the United States and New Zealand.
I applied Fall semester senior year (the last time you can apply) and was accepted.
Dang you Take 5! You have changed the course of my
LIFE. No exaggeration. Seriously.
To begin, it allowed me to study abroad in New Zealand. BEST EXPERIENCE EVER. Duh. This blog is named after it.
I alluded to this in a previous post (my New Year's catch up) - that my "successes" in my current Take 5 have basically started me thinking about other possibilities. Other things than Arts Administration.
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Something happened to me this semester that has NEVER happened before. I had a book to read for class, and I was SAD when I couldn't be reading it. LEGIT SAD. Not sad because I was a little bit behind, but sad because I liked what I was reading and I wanted to read MORE. I have never had such a strong desire to read, and know more.
Naturally, this freaked me out, and I began to ask for advice.
The first person I went to was Johanna (Predoc at the Frederick Douglass Institute, PhD student in American Studies at University of Hawai'i). I told her about my dilemma. That these new classes, new readings, new people, have got me thinking differently. Viewing the world differently. I see things happen in everyday life, connected with the concepts talked about in class. She asked me if I felt like I was "coming into consciousness," and after a brief pause, I said yes. We talked for about an hour and at the end she suggested some programs to look into for Asian American Studies, Ethnic Studies, Anthropology, Performance Studies, Women and Gender Studies, American Studies, and Cultural Studies. They look so cool! I really liked what I saw for American Studies and Anthropology... (so much "A" in my life...)
So that was a Wednesday, and ironically, that Friday I had a Career Center appointment scheduled. It was originally supposed to be a follow-up to a previous meeting on what I should be doing to prepare for Arts Administration stuff, but I went in with a whole other set of things to say. I told Amber (Career Counselor) about the epiphanies I'd been having. She said that there was something different about this "new" interest of mind, the way I spoke about it. She said that it seemed like Arts Administration for me was like a compromise, that it "made sense." She said it looked like there was more of a spark with what I was now talking about. At any rate, since I wasn't thinking about grad school in the beginning, I knew I'd have to wait a year. And she said it was important to think about what I was going to do right after graduation. She gave me the task of looking into different non-profits in the Cincinnati area that I might be interested in, and also looking at different grad programs.
The most recent person I talked to was Professor Kim. I went in and told her the same things and asked her about what her experience was like. She said that there aren't a lot of jobs, and basically advised me to get life experience. I expressed to her that I was concerned that maybe this was a fleeting/temporary interest, and she told me to not be worried about that right now, that things will come back to you repeatedly. She took some time off after getting her Bachelor's, taught English for a year in China, all the while doing a lot of reading. She told me that grad school will always be there, to get some life experience now. She also told me that she thought I was capable for grad school, so that definitely made me feel better (I was scared that she'd tell me I wouldn't stand a chance >_>)
So yeah, three very different people, with very good things to say. Johanna was the most idealistic, the career center had a focus on the "here and now," while Professor Kim was a mix of both.
I alluded to this in a previous post as well - that everyone says there are no jobs. Blah blah blah no jobs. Pressure pressure pressure. No jobs anywhere. What am I supposed to do? And then people say keep studying! But of course you shouldn't go to grad school just to avoid the job world. But that's not why I want to go to grad school. CONFUSED. Amber from the Career Center said it's not uncommon for people to work a whatever job for a year while applying to grad school, and I told my older brother that and of course he's like, "What! You didn't go to school to work a year in RETAIL!" And well, yeah, duh. I have bigger goals.
Sigh.
Getting kinda tired now, and didn't get to write all that I wanted to. For the next post I'll elaborate more on "how I see things and think differently" and why I feel like I've reached the
point of no return, as the title of this post suggests.
